The Dog’s Bollocks

Truth is like a dog’s bollocks – pretty obvious if you care to look.

Making a silk purse from a sow’s ear

Tony AbbottFederal Health Minister Tony Abbott’s new hospital plan requiring hospital budgets to be managed by local boards as part of health funding arrangements attempts to make a silk purse out of the sow’s ear of the Mersey General Hospital pork-barreling fiasco.

I imagine the discussion went something like this:

Abbott: Er… John… that Mersey Hospital bailout from your last trip to Tasmania hasn’t really helped our credibility on health – it’s been lambasted by every expert from Devonport to Darwin. And the polls show that the punters aren’t buying it. It just looks desperate. Now every bloody local hospital will be at the door with begging bowl in hand. What’ll we do now, boss?

Howard: That’s it! Tony, my boy, you are a genius. I always knew having you as Health Minister would pay off one day.  We’ll tell them that this was the plan all along. The Mersey isn’t a one off porker that flies in the face of Federal Health Policy – it is our new policy! Put in some cheap local management boards – they’ll be so busy fighting each other for funds they’ll have no time to complain about us.

Abbott: But wouldn’t it be better to take federal control of the hospital system… I mean that’s what we’re doing with everything else that isn’t nailed down or we can’t flog off?

Howard: Err… no…Tony. It might be a better policy, but that bloody Rudd has beaten us to the punch on that one. Never forget, Tony my boy, this is about winning the election! Who gives a flying f*ck about good hospital policy? We must hold onto government if you are ever going to get a crack at that gutless wonder Costello.

Abbot: (with appropriate Igor-styled exit stage right) Yes, Master! I will see to it right away!

Sheesh. Just call the flamin’ election already.


Filed under: Ass Hattery, Federal Election 2007, Politics

2 Responses

  1. Caroline says:

    As it pans out, they take over the hospitals, turn ’em into lean mean fighting machines and then sell them off to private contractors as a groaning concern.

  2. slim says:

    I think you might be right. I was thinking the same thing after I wrote this – always look to see who stands to gain from otherwise crazy political decisions.

    A late start this morning after a gig and a long drive home last night so I hit the radio on to drag myself into consciousness and I get my all-time favourite commentator, Gerard Henderson. He reckons there are no racist elements in Andrews Sudanese pronouncements and that the House of Reps could well be a hung result. Ha ha, hilarious. I want some of what he’s on.

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The Dog’s Bollocks

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